Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
