I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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