So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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