I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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