My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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