shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
