At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
accomplished twins. life is a go
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
