Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
