sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
