Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
