I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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