I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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