She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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