I just pynch a tree in the face
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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