I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
