I wish my penis had an off switch
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
