a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
