yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
