Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize