Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
