PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
