I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
