I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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