Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
