I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
