3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
