so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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