So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
