You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
