my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
