I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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