"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How drunk are you?
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