I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
