i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
