I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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