At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
