Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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