Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize