we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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