Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
