this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
