Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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