so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
