sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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