I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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