He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
