he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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