my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize