Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
