Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
