You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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