So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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