i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
