Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
