The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
