All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
