Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
