my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
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Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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